Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
