Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just want nice things and good sex
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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