If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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