I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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