I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
