it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
