I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
