Got a toothbrush?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
