I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
