Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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