I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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