we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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