i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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