we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
