i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
