Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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