That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
