We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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