Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
