Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
