please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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