whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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