we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
