I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
