We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Why is there bacon in the couch?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
