drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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