My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
