Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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