when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
