Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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