I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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