This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
