Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize