She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
