Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
