it was like his penis was on wheels.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
