That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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