I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
accomplished twins. life is a go
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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