you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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