If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
