last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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