so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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