Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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