Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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