is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
