weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
