she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
