You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
