so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Life is so much better after having sex.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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