there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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