allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I don't think brook has ever known best
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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