Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
