Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
BRING THE BAGELS
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
