people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
