My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
