i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
