I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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