Just cropdusted the office
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
