you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
