I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
