matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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