Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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