He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
