People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
