I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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