I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
