i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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