The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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