I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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